Importance of Walking

   Walking can add minutes to your life.
   This enables you at 85 years old
   to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
   home at $7000 per month.

    My grandpa started walking
    five miles a day when he was 60..
    Now he's 97 years old
    and we don't know where he is.
    
    I like long walks,
   especially when they are taken
    by people who annoy me.
    
   The only reason I would take up walking
    is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
    
    I have to walk early in the morning,
    before my brain figures out what I'm doing..
   
    I joined a health club last year,
    spent about 400 bucks.
    Haven't lost a pound.
    Apparently you have to go there.
   
    Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
    I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
   
    I do have flabby thighs,
    but fortunately my stomach covers them.

    The advantage of exercising every day
    is so when you die, they'll say,
    'Wow, he looks good doesn't he!'
    
    If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
    start with a small country.
    
    I know I got a lot of exercise
    the last few years,......
    just getting over the hill.
 
   We all get heavier as we get older,
    because there's a lot more information in our heads.
    That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
   
    AND

    Every time I start thinking too much
   about how I look,
    I just find a Happy Hour
    and by the time I leave,
    I look just fine.
     

First Known Photo of Michael Phelps

The Washcloth

This is one of my favorites.  Always makes me laugh!  This has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this!

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week.  Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell
me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am.

I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am.

The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort.

So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable

I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.  I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.

Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?"

I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal . Some shopping, cleaning, cooking.

After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?"
I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."

I'm NEVER going back to that doctor ever, ever, ever!!

 

In Honor of the 2008 Olympics

Little Old Ladies

Parked on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"

The trooper trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken?"

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Highway 127.